"Writer" or "Speaker" - A narrative to myself regarding myself.

Well until so far one thing I have learned about myself for sure is that I am not a great public speaker when I am told what to say, needless to say that it doesn't mean that I can't speak. What is implied is that what I say ones is said, and can't be taken back. I have had more than one experience where i had hoped myself to be dumb than have had speaked. One such occasion happened when I was a 6th class std, where I had criticised openly the then state ruling party in a conference held by them for their public promotion. Although what I said held correct in the eyes of those who seek truth. Yet, there is always a critique to every single step when one is on to something. what I find interesting is that i am a great public speaker and motivator when I speak my head. Again emphasis on that, no said words can be taken back. Which concludes why I think I can write so well, because I can check and edit it, thus the reason being , I find it extremely flexible to write. Writing comes as naturally to me as does my mother tongue.

Yet there are boundaries to every reality possible.Believe me that didn't stop me from trying time to time and see to it that maybe or maybe, somewhere deep inside me there's a part that is not happy with, and push the boundaries even further. 

As ameture as of a speaker I am, "yet an enthusiast",  I am more if not a less of a  second guesser. I find it hard on myself to not to readdress most of the decision no matter how small twice or more. 

And in my case i end up taking the lateral option often if not at all times which is I end up abandoning it. 

Life is tangible to me in the sense that i found it no different and closest to the word "change". A change simple enough at the time ,as it may seem, accounts for the life that is set to come, although the thought of which at the moment may seem fascinating if not flattering is nothing but mere. 

The loss of life, that was one's loved is but sad and nothing less. The importance of the ways and the days of that time is realised long after, when the blurry and partial pieces of those memories hit you. And that too at the times, when ones is at the lowest only so that the experiences gained might hold value in the upcoming days. 

I conclude that "writing" and "speaking" are just two mere everyday part of my life and i find it but amusing to have to choose between the two, that describes me best. Nevertheless it may be possible that neither or both are made for me and what i am meant for, is yet to come. 

That's what Is right now keeping me awake at nights and not let me sleep. 

                       Hope u enjoed it. Leave qns/feedback in the comments. 

Peace, signing off

Saqlain Siddiqi.